A Year In Review

As per usual, I'm a little late in the year in review/resolutions post. Better late than never, right? Minutes before pulling alongside James Lipton, I awkwardly asked a car full of people as the last few minutes of 2010 ticked by, "if you had to use one word to describe your year what would it be?" Apparently people weren't feeling introspective as I was met with a change in subject, but I thought about my question and realized mine would be unknown. 2010 was full of adventure, excitement, stress, dread, joy but the most common theme was the unknown, both good and bad.
I was preyed upon by two guys with guns and ski masks in February. This caused so much stress, anxiety and fear and was the final push I needed to plan my escape from New York.
I quit my job in June.  One of the most difficult and yet best decisions I've made in some time.
I packed up a truck and fulfilled a life long dream of driving cross-country in June and July which turned into one of the fondest memories of my life.
I spent my summer and fall traveling happily between Arizona, Oregon and NYC.
I stressed more days than I care to count about where to move and wondering if I will ever get a job.
2010 was filled with some of the best times and some of the worst times but not a day that I regret.
In 2011 I hope to continue my adventures but with a little more stability. I am so happy to be on the west coast again within driving distance to almost all of my closest friends and family that I already feel like I've succeeded in 2011; however, I am not without resolutions.

In 2011 I hope to decide on a city to live in, find an apartment, get a job and travel overseas. And apply/get accepted to graduate school. The End.

Salt N' Pepper Revisited

A few days ago on one of the only sunny days on the southern Oregon coast the family and I embarked on a visit to Salt and Pepper beach south of Port Orford on 101.  My mom, sister and brother-in-law hadn't been yet and they needed to see such an outstanding place.

 The day couldn't have been more perfect for a December coastal day.  Trailblazing down the hillside, slipping down the mud and tripping our way through blackberry vines quickly warmed us up.  With the sun shining it felt like a perfect sunny day.

 I've said it before and I'll say it again: this is the most spectacular beach I've seen.  As you walk down the final grassy hill and look down upon the beach you can't help but feel part of a mystical place.  There are no buildings, electric lines, roads; there are no sounds other than the boom of the waves crashing on the rocks. It's as out of this world as I've been while staying right here in Oregon.

When I'm on Salt and Pepper beach a feeling of peace washes over me.  Maybe it's my brain waves syncing up with the tide.  Maybe it's the memories I have as a child splashing through the waves.  The sun rays peaking through the clouds and the glow of the blue/gray ocean balance and calm me. I want to do yoga, sleep and run when I come to this place.

It has been such a good week down in Port Orford with my family.  We haven't been all together for several years and this time has been memorable.  I wish we could all stay here for at least another week, and yet real life awaits.  My sister and bro-in-law will fly out shortly, I'll be heading to Portland and my brother off to where ever the wind takes him.  It's sad parting ways, I only hope we'll all be together sooner than it took last time.

Happy Festivus To All!!!

Christmas morning was magical.  I hope everyone is having a wonderful day regardless of what you celebrate! 

How Lovely Are Your Branches

A week ago I hopped on the train from Seattle.  My sister and brother-in-law got on a plane and my brother took his car. We managed to coordinate our arrivals within a half hour of each other in Portland.  Shockingly there were no delays.  We then proceeded to make the 5 hour drive south to Port Orford where we have spent the week lounging and making the most of family time.

A couple days ago we woke up to a gloriously sunny day and knew it was the perfect day to find our christmas tree.  Throughout my childhood we spent hours and hours driving the logging roads in search of the "perfect" tree; of course, this rarely happened and we could never agree on a tree.  Usually the search would end in desperation as the sun dropped and the rain fell and we were left with a scrawny Charlie Brown tree. Honestly, the tree doesn't really matter; it's the adventure and tradition that means the most.

We all packed into the truck and began the drive up China Mountain.  Not ten minutes passed when my brother spotted a nice tree on the side of the road.  We inspected it and knew it was perfect.  Luckily, my conscience was eased when we noticed it had a disfigured trunk and was growing a steep hill not suitable for survival.

Utku got down to the business of sawing it down with our less than sharp blade.  With such a small trunk, the tree came down quickly.

 The speed in which we found and cut down the tree was unheard of so we spent the remainder of the afternoon seeing the sights and going to the beach.  It's times like this when I so happy to be an Oregonian.

Later that night my sister and brother put up the tree and we all decorated it.  Not the greatest picture, but believe me it is one of my favorite christmas trees yet, made even better with the smug satisfaction of finding the perfect one deep in the wilderness. 

A Day In Birch Bay

A few weeks ago, Wojc and I drove up to Birch Bay north of Seattle to check out a possible temporarily home.  We had some friends from Lake Havasu that offered their cabin until April.  We were pretty pumped to check it out and figured it would be the perfect place to hole up for the winter and write and apply for jobs.

 Unfortunately, the cabin was slightly more shack-like than we had imagine and sadly we marked this off our list of possibilities.  It was fun to take a morning run to Birch Bay State Park and see the quaint little town and I really liked Bellingham; it just wasn't meant to be.

 And so we drove south back to Seattle to continue our search for the perfect place.

It's the most wonderful time.

I am super pumped for Christmas this year. Oh, what am I saying? I love the holiday and always have. The lights, smells, tree, holiday spirit, music; everything is so magical to me.  As a kid I loved the night before Christmas and all of the anticipation and excitement.
Tomorrow morning I board yet another Amtrak and head south to Portland where I will meet up with my sister and brother-in-law who are flying in from New York and my brother will pick us up and drive us all down to Port Orford.  We haven't all been together for about a year and a half now and I am beyond thrilled.  My siblings are, by far, some of very favorite people.  I can't imagine my life without my bro and sis; really, they are the best. It's pretty cool to genuinely like your family.  With all of us home it feels more like a festive party.
Top on my to do list is watch National Lampoons Christmas Vacation (best.movie.ever) and Love Actually, COOK, make hot drinks, wrap presents, sing Christmas songs horribly off key and go on many more hiking adventures.

Brother, Can You Spare A Dime?

I've been in Seattle for the past week and its been lovely to be at my old stomping grounds.  I've been applying for jobs like a mad woman but there is just not a lot of work out there.  It can be a very frustrating process if you let it; so far, I've managed to maintain a pretty positive outlook.  It's easier to stay positive when most of the jobs I'm applying for I don't really want anyway.  Sure, some income would be nice, but I'm having a bit of an identity crisis and rethinking my career in social services.  I find the work satisfying and motivating but as anyone in social services knows the work can be draining, stressful and emotionally exhausting.  I'm just not sure I want that anymore.  And yet, I'm not sure what I want to pursue and have been thinking deeply about what my true passions are and how I could relate them to employment  I'm not there yet, but I think this is just one of life's never ending struggles.
My sister sent me an article today written by a nurse who had been at many deathbeds and the top 5 regrets she witnessed.

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

Sometimes I find myself getting caught up in what I should be doing versus what I want to do.  It's hard to not get wrapped up in the mainstream ideals of happiness even though they are not usually in line with what I want.
The one that really speaks to me right now is number 5.  It really is a choice to be happy and I don't want to look back on these years with regret that I was stressed rather than enjoying my freedom.  Even though I'm unemployed I'm not broke (yet).  Even though I don't have an apartment I'm so lucky to have a support system and connections.  Even though I don't have work I have the much desired freedom that I've always dreamt of.  And so, I will choose happiness and not let this horrendous economy and job outlook effect my mood and happiness.  All my life I day dreamed about being free from school and work and now I am living it, doesn't it make sense to embrace it?